Life goes on

So it's 1am which to me is still pretty early in the night. In generally get to bed between 4am & 5am. It's pretty windy outside and we have already gotten over a foot of snow. I find snow to be peaceful like it cleans the air. I don't know if it is just me but I love the way it smells after it snows. So with it snowing it makes me think of a fresh start.

So maybe it is time for me to take a fresh look at my life. Try and find a new balance to things. I've realized there is a reason why Andrew and I haven't had a child yet and it has to be due to my health. In the past fews years I've had seizures, surgery and developed RSD. All of these things aren't good for bringing a child into the world.

To be honest I want to be a mother more than anything in this world. Though there are days where I think wow could I handle it? I know if I ever have a baby I will have to ask for help. I mean there are days where it is just hard to take care of myself. I know if I do become pregnant God will show me the way. It scares me with the amount of times I fall down the stairs. Or even just fall in general. Then I think what if this happens when I'm pregnant and it causes harm to the baby?

I will be seeing my neurologist the end of this month. I need to get myself well. I've become to forgetful lately I know RSD does that. I barely sleep and when I do I never stay asleep. Not that I can really complain. I have a wonderful life. I'm so blesses with amazing people in my life. I couldn't be any luckier if I tried.

I guess what it boils down to is I'm just ready to see what God has to offer me. To see the path he wants Andrew and I to go down. Even with everything going on I truly hope that I can become pregnant and make Andrew a father. I know he is going to be an amazing father one day.