Where do I go from here????

I keep wishing this was a nightmare and I could wake up from. I'm trying so hard to keep myself together but I miss my baby so much. I've grieved losing people very close to me before but this is worse. This is a pain that I have never experienced.

I know my sweet Hope is looking down on me from heaven but I'm selfish and want her back with me. I'll never understand why my little angel didn't get to be with me on earth. I miss the way it felt to know she was in my tummy.

I'm not sure how to move past this. It's hard to see pregnant woman and be happy for them. I cry when I see them it's too much. I know that I don't know their story. They to could have bad a miscarriage or had infertility. I'm just jealous right now.

 I don't want to be around babies and that makes me feel bad. I love babies. I know right now everything all seems too much. I know it is going to take a bit to get myself back to the normal well the new normal. I'll never be the same Hope has changed me.

Bare with me while I go through this roller  coaster of emotions. It's a scary thought not knowing what  the future has in store for us. I pray one day we will get to make Hope a big sister. I know no matter what happens in life I will never forget my angel.

Angel of Hope