Wednesday was my grandmother's funeral which was hard to get through. I know God only gives you as much as you can handle but I'm praying that this is all the bad that is going to happen for a bit. I was just trying to get myself back together after losing Hope then to lose my grandmother was all to much.
We had our follow up yesterday with my OBG/YN after my D&C and he said everything looked good and normal. He said he sees no problems with us being able to get pregnant again and having a healthy child. It was nice to hear but why couldn't Hope have been healthy and stay with us?????
Now we must wait till August to be able to try again and yes we will try again. I'm scared it could happen again but it is worth the risk to try again. Being a mom which I am now is so important to me. I want to be a mom to Hope and to a baby with us on earth.
I will say losing Hope has been terrible but in return she gave me a few things. She made me a mom first off which is wonderful. Now I am able to sleep without medication yes I still get to bed late but I actually STAY asleep. I haven't been able to sleep without medication for about four years now. I feel very lucky to be able to sleep. Maybe it's her way of saying things are going to get better.
I long for the day I go to heaven and will be able to kiss and hold her. I know as time goes on this is going to hurt less. I know I will always been left missing her. That bound while she was in my womb will never go away. I love her with all of my heart and I'm happy she is with God.
I know she is probably making lots of friends if she is anything like her mommy. I hope she is up there enjoying all of her relatives. I wonder what she looks like? All I know is right now she is safe and she is happy. Just wish missing her didn't hurt so much.
Sending baby dust
Praying for my Rainbow Baby!!!!
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| Thankful for my husband! |
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| Look at the stickers they put on my Hospital Bracelet the day I lost my angel |
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