Sorry I haven't posted

So I had to take a break from my blog for a little bit. After everything that happened in Boston I was in shock. I live in MA so it was hard to see what was going on. Then what happened in West, Texas so much in one week. I'm still praying for  the victims and victims families. 

It really makes you think about what is important in life. On Friday April 19th my husband and I had our 5 year wedding anniversary and it was nice. We spent the weekend in York Maine. It was nice to get away and celebrate our love for one another. 

I'm thankful each and everyday for the most loving and supportive husband. I'd also like to add that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week!!!! Anyways sending Baby Dust your way! <3

Approaching year five

Tonight is one of those nights when all I want to do is cry. Yup the dredged finding out someone is pregnant. As I've said before sometimes I generally happy for someone when other times it upsets me. This is the upsetting time...

Now I know what some of you are thinking oh don't let it bug you. Leave it to go and so on.. I know the judgement is coming. That's fine but if you are struggling with infertility you know exactly how I am feeling. I'm not looking for advice I'm just venting.

I think what is bugging me is we are coming up to being married 5 years next month which means we officially hit our 5 years of trying. So I guess now I'm thinking wow who would have thought when I got married five years ago that I would be here today childless.

I never pictured this for us. Though I suppose anyone dealing with infertility never pictured an outcome like this. So I guess as I'm approaching year five I'm excited about my anniversary but disappointing that I still have empty arms.

You know how they say time heals all wounds. Well in this case it doesn't. In fact I feel like the wounds just get worse. Maybe it's my own doing I don't know. Oh how I pray every day that this is our year. You will never know how bad it hurts unless you go through it....

Beauty in the world

There simply is nothing better than sitting out on my farmers porch. I love hearing the frogs and peepers. Seems to make all the bad in life go away. I spent most of the day outside enjoying the fresh air. This is the first spring in our home.

It's so fun seeing all the flowers come to live and the animals coming out to play. Makes me feel like anything is possible. In the fall you watch the flowers dry up and go away. They survive a hard winter under ground. Then the snow melts away and they begin to grow. My yard is full of flowers now. I know that the seeds and bulbs had survived to see another spring.

If a flower can keep coming back year to year after everything it goes though. It makes you see what God can really do. He makes the seasons change and the leaves turn in the fall. If God can do all this he can help me find my miracle. God is bigger than all of us.

It's  funny how seeing a flower bloom makes you truly see the beauty in the world. Everything God does is for a reason. The reasons we may not know until later. I know I have a purpose in this world. It might not be anything out of this world, but it's worth knowing.

I look at my yard and picture the years of memories. I know one day we will have a child and be a family. I also know that one day that child will also see the beauty in this world. God does so much for each of us every day we just might forget that. So just know God does care and he is always listening.

Weekend

So I hurt my back on Saturday. It's in the same spot that always hurts. I hurt my back a few years ago when I fell down the stairs. Well if you know me at all you would know falling downstairs is a common thing for me. Now even pushing in a chair will cause my back to flare up. So I know at some point I need to get myself to a doctor and have my back looked at.

Sunday was my husbands birthday. We didn't do much of anything because I have been stuck on the couch. So Andrew and I just spent the day together which was nice. I did make him brownies though which he enjoyed.

So other than that there has been someone in our lives that has been talking very poorly about me. This person has said I'm controlling, sick in the head, and so on. So it's been an odd week. I guess I shouldn't be shocked this person has said this stuff about me before. It's just sad having to see my husband get so upset. Wish things could be different but Andrew and I are in a better place.

It is not worth it to be around someone who dislikes me so much. We are happy and being around negativity isn't worth it. We have a beautiful home and great family. We are so blessed so living positive is the way to be. :)

Thinking about ages

So this weekend is my husbands birthday he turns 29. We have always talked about wanting to be parents before we turned 30. I'm not sure if that is going to happen for us. The thing is I think ahead. I keep thinking how old we will be by the time our child or children have their own kids.

Is it odd that I keep thinking about how old I will be when I have grandchildren? I guess I just want to be around when they are born. I think about how I lost my grandmother who I loved so much at the age of 16. I want to be around longer than that.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about age when I'm only 27 but I do. I guess this is just me over thinking things. I tend to over think things all the time. I'm just hoping I get to be a mom before the age of 30. I'm not sure what is part of our future. Sometimes I just wish I knew what my future holds.

Well coming up soon is National Infertility Awareness week. It's from April 21- 27. So are you going to be doing anything to support the week?? Or is hearing about this week too much for you? Does it make you think more about wanting to be a mother or father?

Hope everyone has an amazing weekend!!!

Infertility,jokes and tv

For some reason I haven't really been posting my blog as much as I was before. It's not that I'm not writing them it's just I guess I haven't been making them as public. I have recently deleted a ton of people off of my facebook. Not only that but a lot of people can't see most of my post. It's funny I was feeling so open for a while.

I guess deep down having people know my thoughts has been a little embarrassing. Not only just with infertility but with other things. I've learned that I'm a really open minded person. With that being said I've gotten some back lash about how I feel. So maybe that is why I haven't been as public the last couple weeks.

Then again who really cares what some twenty seven year old in MA really thinks? What I will say is I know today is April fools day. I know people love to play pranks on people. Can I say one word of advice don't pretend you are pregnant. It's not funny and what happens if one day you struggle with infertility? Just be respectful of people around you that is all I'm asking.

I was watching Kourtney and Kim take Miami tonight. I think it is really brave of Khloe to be able to talk about her infertility battle on television. I think sometimes you think you are alone dealing with this problem and then you see people on TV dealing with it and realize there are others. I know I've said things before about how some people have no problem getting pregnant and you see that play out in the show too.


Each person is different and we all have our own problems to deal with. I know sometimes it seems like all the unmarried, young people get pregnant no problem but truthfully that probably isn't the case. It just seems that way. I think when dealing with infertility you think wow why isn't it that easy? Who really knows why some people have infertility problems while others don't. Perhaps infertility is something you are suppose to learn from. Then again maybe it's just a cruel joke.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter!!!! <3

~**~~~Baby Dust~**~~~

First flowers of spring. :)